I suppose politicians had it coming, but I really wish that Karma had a better aim. I think it was aiming for Mr Chaytor, but it’s hit me square in the face.
Courtesy of a cock-up at Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs (HMRC) and an equally momentous one by the company handling the payroll at work, I have had more than double the normal amount of Income Tax removed from this month’s salary, rendering it virtually worthless and meaning that I am plunged into the type of “heat or eat” dilemma faced by lots of other people. It’s like I’ve been elected an MP and cast in one of those “live for a week on a fiver” documentaries on ITV1 already.
The sorry tale was started by my own honesty, or stupidity, or whichever word comes closest to the describing the good deed I did a couple of months back in informing HMRC that they’d probably been under-taxing me. For reasons which I don’t understand, the fantastically complicated tax system in this country can’t cope with simple complexities like me having two incomes (regular job and significantly smaller Councillor’s allowance). As a result I did a bit of a calculation in my head, and managed to compute my tax liability better than HMRC’s mainframe in the process.
Being the good citizen that I am, I thought I’d better tell them, and having been on hold for twenty minutes and then having spoken to a confused man-child on the other end of the phone who agreed with me, I thought it was all sorted.
Oh, dear readers, how wrong I was.
There was plenty of dawdling, cack-handed administering, and dim-witted dullardness between then and now, including three months of total inaction and one mis-posted letter. The sponge-brained inadequacy culminated yesterday in me opening this month’s pay-check and analysing the bottom line to find that something was amiss. In fact, several hundred things were amiss, each one gold coloured and with The Queen’s head on.
After finding the right HMRC office (no easy task given that it isn’t the one nearest where I live or the one nearest where I work!) I discovered that HMRC had sent a revised tax code to the payroll people. Unfortunately, it only contained some of the necessary information, leaving the payroll people to guess the rest in some sort of high-stakes quiz game where there are no winners and just one tearful and impoverished loser (me). Payroll guessed wrong, meaning that rather than take a little bit of the extra tax off each month until the bill had gone, it was all taken off in one go, leaving me penniless for a month. Thanks guys!
Unfortunately my mortgage, car loan, and utility bills won’t take kindly to not being paid this month, and although David Blaine can go that long without food, I can’t. But despite me explaining this to various people, in tones ranging from calm to Mount Etna, we have reached an impasse where basically they still won’t pay me the money I’ve earned.
HMRC are blaming the payroll people for guessing wrong, and the payroll people are blaming HMRC for making them guess in the first place. I can tell the moronic half-wits in charge of these organisations one thing - Nationwide Building Society, N-Power and Peugeot all want money off me, and they’ll be blaming me.
It’s not all that bad - I have some savings, I don’t have kids to feed, and because of a generous employer (who has a stupid payroll supplier…) I have the time to ring round and chase this up. But for God’s sake, this would be a disaster if I didn’t have those advantages, and it is going to be unpleasant all the same. Most people in this country aren’t as lucky as I am. What would they do? Really, what would they do?
There seems to be no system whereby in emergency situations, HMRC can with-hold excess payments under PAYE. There should be, so that people aren’t plunged into debt through no fault of their own. Grant an emergency month’s grace to sort things out, and even charge interest if needs be, but don’t just cut people adrift and let them sink. Similarly, there seems no compulsion (or even any will whatsoever) for the payroll people to make good what is obviously an error. Income Tax liability doesn’t just double in a month. They are providing a crucial service, and when they cock up they should have to put it right.
There are worse things than this in the world, sure. But there’s a principle here as well as my particular issue. This can’t be right, and I will have plenty of time to think it over whilst I eat cold baked beans this month, because I won’t have the money to do anything else!
Rick